Letting go of her little girl in grace!
A daughter is getting married!
The most momentous time in the life of every girl and her mom, it is indeed a beautiful and awe-inspiring occasion for both. Witnessing her little girl step into the full bloom of womanhood, watching her as she stands on the abyss of an extraordinary transformation is every mom’s dream come true. Time flees isn’t it? Wasn’t it just yesterday that she was taking her first steps, and then crying to go to school, her first date, graduating from high school, and finally leaving home? The beauty and challenge of motherhood is that as tightly as one would like to hold on to her precious one, you continually need to let go. And with each letting go, you watch her step further into the unique woman that she is, embracing her strengths, challenging her weaknesses, learning what it is to be human. And now she is getting married.
At this juncture more than anything, a mom wants to support her and help her get into the mystery and challenge of marriage. Her engaging in arguments about trivial topics like seating arrangements or napkin colors or food is nothing but a common phenomenon. It is a way to displace the difficult, the out of control feelings she experiences onto something concrete. Because the truth, the painful, inevitable truth, is that she is in a process of letting go. Letting go of her little girl! Letting go of her beautiful daughter, watching her loosen ties to her family of origin so that she can begin a family of her own!
And letting go is difficult. She wants to hold on. She wants to keep her safe and protected. Change is difficult, and while she fully recognizes the necessity of change and supports her daughter’s decision to marry, the painful feelings linger.
At the point of the wedding: to stand and witness as her daughter and her beloved are wed and to celebrate their new and beautiful union, she’s there to hold the space, to support her little girl’s transformation, and to ensure that the ties are adequately loosened so that her little girl can begin her new life and her new family. This may be easier said than done because in order to support her, the mother need to first support herself.
The more time she takes to become a “conscious mother of the bride,” the better prepared she will be to guide her into this next phase of life.
A daughter’s wedding is often a time when the mother faces her own mortality and realizes that she is moving into the next phase of life. When a woman marries, she is letting go of her identity of maiden and moving toward mother. When a daughter marries, her mother is letting go of her identity of mother and moving toward the next identity. It takes courage and wisdom to become a conscious mother of the bride. It requires going against the grain of culture that a mother is one who attends to the external details of the wedding with grace, exquisite taste, and equanimity. It is infinitely more important to a daughter that you her mom is a source of emotional support during this time.
Just as she had to let go and watch her little girl fall when she learned to walk, so now it is time let go and watch her begin a new life, knowing she will fall, knowing that this represents a goodbye of sorts, and also knowing that nothing in this world can sever the bond between mother and daughter.
It is thus a profound journey to both. Strengthening the bond by acknowledging the separateness and grieving the loss and allowing the unique beauty the relationship to shine through during one of the highest times of a human life!
From being mentors
To the saviors of emotional shores,
Leading us to the topmost pole